I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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