Pants 0. Shit 1.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
