stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He passed out mid-signature
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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