So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
