She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
