nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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