I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
