At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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