i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
