No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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