Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
