He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
