Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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