Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Randomize
