all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
