My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I will die if light touches me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
