we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
