Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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