I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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