All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
