Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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