So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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