Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
