Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
