You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
