3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think my moral compass just broke
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