Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
