My room smells like vodka and shame
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
