Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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