What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
