Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
