i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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