You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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