This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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