Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
