im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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