your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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