a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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