I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
