Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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