My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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