We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
