I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
