I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
