I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
