I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
