Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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