I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
