he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
