Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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