She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
