You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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