i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
how drunk are you?
Several
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
