8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
