she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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