Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
